Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
