I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
