You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize