whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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