you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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