So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
