PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
