Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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