Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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