im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
