i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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