i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
