Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize