girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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