I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
