As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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