What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
