he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
