My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
