If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
