i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
