WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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