We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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