I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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