this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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