I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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