I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
