just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
