i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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