Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We have started to decorate penises.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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