I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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