i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
