did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
