i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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