dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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