you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
