we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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