Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
