So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
