I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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