dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
