Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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