i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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