Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
