moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
