i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
