this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
