just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
