the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.