if i can run in heels then i can drive
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.