there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober