I faked an abortion last night.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.