Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

(212): View more from New York

i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just made out with a guy for $7.

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(210): View more from Texas

Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?

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(613): View more from Ontario

he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(913): View more from Kansas

I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

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(813): View more from Florida

she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob

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