Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering

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  (586): There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering http://tfl.nu/580n
  Replies (4) Good night (1288) Bad night (638)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.

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  (416): I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom. http://tfl.nu/jkib
  Replies (21) Good night (4491) Bad night (660)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.

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  (708): I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off. http://tfl.nu/ln09
  Replies (8) Good night (3165) Bad night (1631)
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  (718): View more from New York

  you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

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  (718): you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke. http://tfl.nu/vku6
  Replies (13) Good night (2996) Bad night (1228)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me

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  (970): Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me http://tfl.nu/7cqx
  Replies (5) Good night (2487) Bad night (685)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday

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  (512): you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday http://tfl.nu/6yij
  Replies (2) Good night (2398) Bad night (676)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler

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  (509): We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler http://tfl.nu/7vbk
  Replies (12) Good night (1462) Bad night (613)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?

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  (561): I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line? http://tfl.nu/0ivn
  Replies (10) Good night (898) Bad night (1253)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

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  (865): He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her http://tfl.nu/a25x
  Replies (4) Good night (868) Bad night (455)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"

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  (216): We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence" http://tfl.nu/k55r
  Replies (0) Good night (516) Bad night (272)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.

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  (570): Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid. http://tfl.nu/yx4k
  Replies (1) Good night (812) Bad night (278)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I am thankful for thumbs.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Land dolphins.

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  (425): I am thankful for thumbs. (425): Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins. (425): Land dolphins. http://tfl.nu/9wit
  Replies (2) Good night (977) Bad night (300)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day

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  (518): Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day http://tfl.nu/4jpm
  Replies (1) Good night (360) Bad night (219)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.

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  (603): At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great. http://tfl.nu/qakx
  Replies (0) Good night (469) Bad night (230)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.

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  (425): When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately. http://tfl.nu/qs87
  Replies (1) Good night (602) Bad night (154)

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