Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

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  (503): I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team http://tfl.nu/ke7v
  Replies (42) Good night (6217) Bad night (1125)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.

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  (651): She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three. http://tfl.nu/b36h
  Replies (17) Good night (906) Bad night (5282)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

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  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (20) Good night (9338) Bad night (1468)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.

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  (785): I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call. http://tfl.nu/1vmr
  Replies (8) Good night (3795) Bad night (1053)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked

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  (774): just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked http://tfl.nu/dcyr
  Replies (7) Good night (3007) Bad night (812)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy

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  (775): How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy http://tfl.nu/hobw
  Replies (7) Good night (1182) Bad night (2667)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you

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  (214): My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you http://tfl.nu/i385
  Replies (12) Good night (4078) Bad night (1111)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now

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  (508): i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now http://tfl.nu/g57m
  Replies (5) Good night (1744) Bad night (1556)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where the hell would u of bought a deer

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  (717): found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it (1-717): where the hell would u of bought a deer http://tfl.nu/semf
  Replies (9) Good night (2998) Bad night (923)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Come over. Drunk tacos.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  That isn't even a sentence.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I kept the important parts.

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  (214): Come over. Drunk tacos. (1-214): That isn't even a sentence. (214): I kept the important parts. http://tfl.nu/2pq0
  Replies (8) Good night (4923) Bad night (1024)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  ...

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  (678): Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark (1-678): ... http://tfl.nu/supo
  Replies (8) Good night (1559) Bad night (796)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.

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  (901): Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking. http://tfl.nu/5z7b
  Replies (11) Good night (1422) Bad night (1007)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open

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  (406): I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open http://tfl.nu/p54l
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (366)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.

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  (902): Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/e3ez
  Replies (5) Good night (1639) Bad night (544)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".

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  (309): Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space". http://tfl.nu/0b3b
  Replies (1) Good night (548) Bad night (377)

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