Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving

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  (949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/8zv1
  Replies (20) Good night (9076) Bad night (760)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"

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  (608): so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!" http://tfl.nu/79w8
  Replies (37) Good night (9995) Bad night (2327)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds

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  (412): I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds http://tfl.nu/2vvx
  Replies (32) Good night (1723) Bad night (15674)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.

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  (313): So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial. http://tfl.nu/zbd1
  Replies (8) Good night (1255) Bad night (4830)
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  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

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  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (4249) Bad night (1657)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.

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  (512): dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander. http://tfl.nu/scp8
  Replies (29) Good night (4750) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am

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  (586): The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am http://tfl.nu/ycag
  Replies (13) Good night (2247) Bad night (1056)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

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  (917): No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/gccc
  Replies (3) Good night (1666) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.

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  (908): Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas. http://tfl.nu/cnc6
  Replies (13) Good night (3404) Bad night (778)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.

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  (860): My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church. (1-860): I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life. http://tfl.nu/n824
  Replies (4) Good night (2231) Bad night (626)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.

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  (802): I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny. http://tfl.nu/ndpa
  Replies (5) Good night (560) Bad night (849)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.

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  (989): Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning. http://tfl.nu/ngc6
  Replies (2) Good night (845) Bad night (422)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you

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  (302): But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you http://tfl.nu/t5np
  Replies (12) Good night (1716) Bad night (516)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.

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  (540): The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness. http://tfl.nu/p6k2
  Replies (0) Good night (451) Bad night (340)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight

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  (913): If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight http://tfl.nu/p2kk
  Replies (8) Good night (867) Bad night (191)

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