Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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