Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...