We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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