I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
