it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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