WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
