I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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