Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
