How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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