tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
