did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
