Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
