At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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