i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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