He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
